


Red Dust

by HogwartsToAlexandria



Series: Marie's Ironstrange Shorts 2019 [6]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Butterflies, Discord: IronStrange Haven, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, IronStrange Bingo 2019, IronStrange Week 2019, Just my own angst okay, M/M, Nightmares, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stephen Strange Bingo 2019, Tony Stark Bingo 2019, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange parenting Peter Parker | Supremefamily | Strange Family, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 06:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HogwartsToAlexandria/pseuds/HogwartsToAlexandria
Summary: Even as he knows the Snap’s been reversed, that his son is safe and sound in his very own bed and his husband is lying right next to him, Tony can’t seem to make himself let go - every night brings him right back to this one day he’ll never be able to forget, none of them will.Ironstrange Week Day 2, Prompts: “Butterflies” / “Ash”Ironstrange Bingo 2019 Fill, O4: “Curse”;Bad Things Happen Bingo 2019 Fill, B5: “Panic Attack”;Stephen Strange Bingo 2019 Fill, B5: “The Snap”;Tony Stark Bingo 2019 Fill, B3: “Shared Trauma”





	Red Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Entry for Day #2 of the Ironstrange Week, also a fill for _four_ different bingo squares, I don't even know rofl
> 
> Hope you'll like it!  
> As usual my immense thanks to the perfect friend to have SerenaLunera for beta-ing this, love u till the moon.

It’s dark all around and then it’s red, an ocre kind of red, reddish dust everywhere and abandoned buildings left to rust and oxide all around him but that’s not even what retains Tony’s attention, never is. He can’t remember a night when he’s not been back here anymore, can’t remember a Titan-less night, a restful one. 

Every night, like an old DVR that doesn’t work quite so well anymore, the movie of his greatest fears all coming true plays back in his mind and slowly but surely sucks all of his energy away at the same time as it prevents him from recharging any of his strength. 

Tony’s like a ghost wandering around the halls of his own life during the day and he can’t even be glad he gets to lie back down at the end of them, not when he knows the loop will fall back and knot over him, insensible, ruthless and he will be back, again. 

He doesn’t even see Thanos anymore, that big purple bastard doesn’t match with what truly took away a piece of his soul larger than what he thinks he’ll ever be capable of fully recovering from. No, Thanos, gauntlet or not, is nothing compared to the shattering of his heart as he saw first the love of his life disappear in ashes that couldn’t even make a pile - blown in a wind Tony couldn’t even feel on his face - then his son, scared and pleading, clinging to him with every ounce of his enhanced strength until his grip, too, turned to ashes and all Tony had anymore was the bruises that stayed to tell the tale on his shoulders. 

He doesn’t see Thanos but he sees the look in Stephen’s eyes, desperate for him to understand a play he’s not been given any cards to win but the assurance in his husband’s voice -  _ “There was no other way,” _

Tony can’t unsee nor unhear and he knows, every time he puts his head on a pillow and closes his eyes, every time he feels sleep coming to him he  _ knows _ he’s going back there, again. It’s more than trauma, it’s a time loop - an empty spot in the space-time continuum that makes it so that he has to relive through everything, every night. 

The only way out is that which he always finds himself taking - sitting up in bed with his throat choked up on a silent cry, the animal sob of despair he’d not been able to shut down when he’d found himself alone up there, far far away and yet in the same galaxy. 

The only way out that which has Tony finding himself scanning the dark with frantic eyes, searching the room for oxygen with bruised lungs that haven’t worked properly for over ten years and don’t comply to his request to please take in the air he needs when he’s there, barely awake and yet conscious of every little thing around him and waiting. 

Stephen always wakes up, eyes full of worry and arms tighter than ever around his shoulders, hugging him from behind with such strength that Tony feels it like a punch but it’s still not enough or too much or, he doesn’t know. 

Stephen does. Stephen conjures butterflies, every night a different color and a different number of the beautiful winged creatures. And they fly all around them until Tony stops shaking so badly that they can’t come too close and they’re finally able to rest on one of his hands, or a knee that’s poking out of the strewn about sheets, sometimes even his nose and that would make him chuckle over how sweet it is but he can’t make himself - it’s barely enough to bring him back to the surface as it is.

It’s a curse they both bear with - because Tony’s not fooled one second by Stephen’s steady façade and if the man’s fears and memories do not come out in the form of nightmares as often as Tony’s, if they don’t morph into panic attacks or cut his breath away, Tony can still feel the way his whole body is shaking with barely restrained nerves and he  _ knows _ the man hurts just as much as he does, if not more. It’s a curse they both bear and try to relieve Peter of as much as possible, kids are more resilient but he’s evidently taken his fair share of it and Tony would take it all from him in a heartbeat if he could. Stephen too, he knows. 

They try, one day at a time, one flight of butterflies at a time, one full-body embrace after another and when morning comes again and dark circles paint each of their three faces they still have what matters most in this life and world - a family. 

**Author's Note:**

> More tomorrow!


End file.
